Long-winded rambling on accutane (as usual) but with some happy thoughts...

*sigh* So, once again, I'm here to see if I've gone far enough with the accutane to be happy with the results... Unfortunately, I have the sinking feeling that the answer is "No".

That, folks, is the December- mid February recap. The last one was taken with a better camera, and is more detailed. While I think it's looking better, I am frustrated with the slow progress, and I'm not sure if it's just my current dose that's not doing the trick for the bigger (and definitely more stubborn) ones. I am honestly getting tired of having to be careful about everything that I didn't use to care about--like triglyceride levels and achy joints. :/ 

Let's run through the Accutane/ Isotretinoin side effects checklist, shall we:

• Dry skin-- yup, also redness
• Itching- yes, especially on parts where I couldn't put lotion on
• Dry nose- uh huh
• Nosebleeds (epistaxis)-- got that during my first week alone, then again I had the cold, so that might have aggravated things
• Cracks in the corners of the mouth- yup, but I handle it with moisturizer 
• Dry mouth- in the mornings, but I usually drink enough water to fix this
•  Inflammation of the whites of the eyes. -- yeah... I think I might've gotten a sty once, but I'm not sure if it's due to the meds
• Joint aches also are common.-- yes, oh gods,I'm starting to get an idea of how my arthritic mom feels at times :(
• Increase in blood cholesterol and triglycerides-- not sure yet, since my doctor didn't advise me to get blood work done. Not sure if it has to do with the fact that I'm on a low dose though, or if my dermatologist's just not being careful with this
• Psychiatric problems such as depression, hallucinations and suicidal behavior have been reported. -- um, no, thankfully.

Rare side effects include:

• Skin infections
• Peeling
• Sun sensitivity
• Hearing impairment and hepatitis.
• Brain swelling (pseudotumor cerebri or intracranial hypertension), which produces nausea, vomiting, headache, and changes in vision.
• Erythema multiforme and severe skin reactions (for example, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, toxic epidermal necrolysis) have been associated with isotretinoin use. These events may be serious and result in life-threatening events or death, hospitalization, or disability. Patients should be monitored closely for severe skin reactions, and isotretinoin discontinued if necessary.

Luckily, I've never experienced any of the rare side-effects, but it is kind of a pain to have to be so vigilant with skincare and diet (am doing better with the skincare than the diet, as expected). I've discarded old foundations, even though they were still half-full, and my arsenal of facial washes and lip balms have also increased. On the one hand, I'm quite happy to be testing out all sorts of stuff meant for dry and sensitive skin (super creamy moisturizers, yo!), but between all the products, the pills, and the costly derma consultations, it's quite a drain on the pocket... I'm about to come in for another check-up once I'm done with the next box of accutane, and I'm hoping that there'd be significant progress enough to lower my dose. Php 1,500 is nothing to sneeze at, especially with my current income, and more often than not I end up thinking of all the things I would have bought with that money--like shoes, for one, or bags, or more lipsticks/ skincare/makeup... which I won't really get to use that often, since I spend most of my time at home ~*le sigh*

I did give in to temptation though, and bought myself this purrdy little thing, while I was out shopping for groceries with my mom:

The name's a mouthful to say, but anyhoo, it's the "Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain" in Crush. It's this lovely purple-y, wine-y stain that's mom-approved, as opposed to the reds I normally wear. It gets a little goth when worn in 2 layers (at least on my skin); bit of a throwback to high-school days when I was so into "The Craft."

The pic's been edited in an attempt to capture the color, and it's the closest I can get :P It's a little more on the grape/ violet side, and I probably need a better camera, and more time to fiddle with the lighting, but I'm not a serious beauty blogger, so I won't.  This is my second one from Revlon, the other one's called 'Lovesick'  which is this bright, hot-pink shade that can be kind of overpowering, so I top it off with a light-pink gloss and keep my face relatively bare. It's my usual MO since I'm a dunce with eyeshadows, and can only pull off neutral looks.

Another plus (I think??) to this dry spell is that I also get to be more adventurous with hair care. The hairdresser kind of lamented the state of my hair, since it seems so dry now and she was surprised I wasn't using any treatment. I don't know if I did mention that I could go for a day or two (if the temperature's cooler) without bathing, since my hair didn't turn into the greasy mop that it usually does if I neglect to wash it. Over time though, the tips have begun looking like they've been fried, and my hair does feel kind of coarse when I run my fingers through it. I've tried this 'damage control' shampoo thing from Dove, which is okay, but isn't really enough. Now that my hair's long enough, and I've been wanting to try hair masks, I decided to get myself this tub of Pantene hair mask thingy... it's from Japan (supposedly) and limited edition (again, supposedly-- they apparently launched this thing back in 2010) the name's quite a mouthful, but anyhoo... I'm loving it :) I couldn't remember my hair being this soft, and I like running my fingers through it. A lot of other bloggers say that they love the scent, but it's just 'meh' for me. My hair isn't frizzy, nor does it feel heavy, and it's tame, although lacking a bit in volume.

So... the moral of the story is: Lipstick makes me happy. Well, no, there is no moral. I let myself get away with cheap thrills when I'm frustrated, or have been cooped-up in the house for too long. The state of my friendships is a completely different story, but I'm doing like Elsa and letting it go. I think we've kind of 'outgrown' each other, and we're all in this different stage of our lives. Perhaps we've already learned what we're meant to from the relationship, and perhaps, I'm just in this stage of transition. I preferring to keep my hopes up and cling on to whatever optimism I have left, even though I am getting impatient with the pace of things. I am hoping that my next journey would have me gain more valuable and lasting friendships through more meaningful experiences. Until then, I suppose going crazy every now and then would be my way of dealing with the tedium while I wait. 

oral fixation

I'm down to my last two weeks' dose of Isotretinoin before going back for a follow-up check up. At the moment, I'm, uh, bleeding... Between my last update and now, some things have gotten worse and some things have gotten slightly better.

Anyway, it turns out that my dry, scaly, tender lips may have been a combination of PMS and the side effects of Isotretinoin. It stung and was really bothersome; and for about a week or so, I had to constantly keep applying petroleum jelly, avoiding anything salty (or sometimes eating altogether) and avoiding anything mentholated. It wasn't until I started on my period that things started getting better; well, it might have been that, or it might be because whatever it was that I had had run its course. The temperature's also back to normal ( read: in the 30+ degrees range), and it might have helped with the chapping. Either way, things are almost back to normal regarding my lips, and I only need to deal with minimal peeling these days. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) I've been a bit impatient with having to squeeze petroleum jelly out of a tube each time I needed a fix, and it led me to a few lip balm purchases.

 and this doesn't include the tinted ones I already have. I do remember mentioning that Maybelline's Baby Lips didn't cut it anymore, but it seems I may have been a bit hasty in my judgment. I probably won't use it when my lips are severely chapped, but I needed something with SPF at the time, and Vaseline doesn't have it; Carmex does, but the mint irritates my lips, so it's a no-go. Blistex had a mild bit of menthol in it, and kind of drags when I apply it, so I wasn't able to use it until recently.  I remembered Baby Lips having SPF 20, so I went and got myself one, and was pleased that it didn't irritate my lips and applied quite smoothly. It also leaves a sort of sheen, which is nice.  As for my chin... *sigh* well, as long as I keep comparing pictures, I do see some progress, but not enough to wow me. See below:

From this, which was around two weeks ago...

to this (taken with a better camera and in harsher lighting.) I do like how plump and moisturized my lips look here, though :) Also, no cystic breakouts, despite my raging(?) hormones. I could get used to this, but I would really like to be off the meds. I wonder how long I'll have to be taking it until the bigger bumps disappear? I'm paranoid enough about liver damage, as it is...